So even though I still have a long way to go with getting comfortable with Art History, I feel a semblance of predictability coming back into my life. I am coming to the end of a summer "vacation" (think lots of staff development and planning sessions). I've read some (I'm loving The Kingkiller Chronicle series by Patrick Rothfuss). I've organized everything in sight (why didn't I make an excel spreadsheet of the paints in our house earlier?!). And I've gotten to the point of the summer where I realize that I only have a little bit of time to really think about my life on a meta level before the inevitable daily grind of teaching reduces my ability to contemplate anything on an existential level (this usually happens after I've run out of new Property Brothers to watch). Part of that process was deciding to start working on this project again in earnest.
The idea took root again a few weeks back. After an evening of putting some Two Buck Chuck under my belt (see what I did there?), I woke up to an email notification of my Groupon purchase of something called "How to Write a Great Novel Online Course." (I'm not sure how since I deleted the app after some questionable purchases, including for yoga classes at a studio located 500 miles away).
At first, I thought I bought the chore of writing an online course on how to write the great novel. Realizing that didn't make any sense, I rearranged the title to be more lucid, only to realize that my criticism of their title was essentially ironic. I mean, what legitimate, self-respecting writer got their novel started with a Groupon? Doing so would obviously limit my long-term industry credibility (do you see how I'm already imagining my industry cred?). What would Ernest Hemingway say?
On the other hand, I thought, it's better than nothing. And why do you care how I get inspired, Ernest? I don't even like your writing. Not everyone gets to hang out with Gertrude Stein in Paris to get inspired...I'm just doing the best I can and taking advantage of the perks of living in the digital age.
I suppose it was my defensiveness from my imaginary fight with Mr. Hemingway--combined with my "public" failure--that pushed me over the edge. You see, I've been getting weekly Facebook updates about my page views since I started. It's read zero for a long while and I honestly didn't mind when no one was looking at it. My attempt was forgotten. But it got embarrassing when I started seeing that, for some reason, people were looking at it again and seeing that I hadn't done a thing in months. Even though they were probably just being supportive or had gone to it accidentally, I started to feel like a failure.
So I redeemed my Groupon, logged on, and started working through the process devised by the people at Industrial Scripts. Surprisingly, the program is working out better than I had anticipated. It started me thinking about my book in ways I hadn't previously. It made me realize part of my writer's block and anxiety were some pretty major unresolved issues (chronology, the major plot point, my character's personality, etc.). I still have a lot of the program left to work though (basically, it's a series of modules), and I hope to get even more out of it; so far, however, the best thing to have come out if it was the recommendation to purchase Scrivener.
The first time I started writing, my desk was covered in post-it notes, and if I've learned one thing it's that I can't function in a cluttered work space. I tried note cards to organize my ideas but then couldn't access them readily. I couldn't keep anything straight and was too tired to put in the effort to do so.
Not now. Character folders? Virtual, searchable cork boards? Research files? Dual screens? I could go on but suffice it to say that I honestly feel like writing a novel is achievable for me now.
So here I am publicly stating (to the 5 people that looked at my page last week, I guess) that I'm writing again not because I think anyone else cares, but because as I've stated before, public shaming is a great motivator for me.
So here are my goals:
1. To write at least every Wednesday night when my husband is playing basketball.
2. To post to my blog at least once a month, including a new chapter.
3. To become a successful writer so Scrivener and Industrial Script Writer can say, "Allison KT started with us" and I can by the farm for foster dogs I've always dreamed of having.
4. To give Ernest Hemingway's novels another try because I really like his short stories so it isn't true to say I don't like his writing. Plus, look how cute he was:
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| Hey, girl. I think you should give For Whom the Bell Tolls another chance. |
